Wedding Speech Fails (and How to Avoid Them) | Brian Franklin

Kevin Dennis (0:0.822)

Alright folks, welcome to another episode of Now That I'm Engaged, How Do I Get Married? And we have the one and only Brian Franklin with us. Brian, he's with Thousand Speeches, but Brian, can you tell us a little bit about yourself and how we got you here today?

Brian Franklin (0:12.449)

Sure. well first, Kevin, thanks for having me on the show. Uh, vows and speeches helps people write their wedding vows, wedding speeches, of course, uh, ceremony scripts. also help with other kinds of events, everything from, uh, I've done Bob Mitzvah speeches. I've done eulogies and sales presentations, but generally what we're doing is we're helping people find the words that they uh want to uh say if they have trouble finding them. And if they,

Kevin Dennis (0:30.872)

Mmm.

Brian Franklin (0:41.215)

are good writers even sometimes people will struggle in these moments that are very emotionally charged. And the other side of the business and the services that we offer is that we provide delivery coaching. once somebody has the copy that they like and we give unlimited revisions and there's no AI. we're just, uh we're hand crafting it with you, but once it's

August Yocher (0:54.552)

Hmm.

Brian Franklin (1:4.127)

close to final, if not final, then we go to the rehearsal stage of things. And that's when we provide feedback on how to deliver it better. And particularly with weddings, it involves being fluent enough with it so that you can make eye contact that you're

uh, sounding as if you're speaking it rather than reading it and things like that. So, uh, so that's the business and yeah, I've been doing this kind of work for almost 20 years. was in politics before this. was political consultant. Yeah.

Kevin Dennis (1:37.752)

was going to ask, how do you get to there? So that's kind of interesting.

August Yocher (1:38.532)

Oh wow.

Brian Franklin (1:42.199)

Uh, yeah, you know, I, I tired of being in politics. know, uh, kind of in the same way that, uh, most people tire of hearing about pile politics. I got tired of doing it. Uh, I really enjoyed it at first. I was very passionate about things, but, uh, but really, I really enjoyed the idea that you could, uh, win or lose elections on 32nd ads and, and on technology and just being.

August Yocher (1:52.160)

Yeah.

Kevin Dennis (2:8.056)

Mmm.

Brian Franklin (2:10.625)

better at advertising and I had come from corporate advertising and corporate and nonprofit advertising before that. And I always loved that piece of it. loved political commercials, believe it or not. And, uh, but, but being in the business, I was, I was successful. It worked out really well for me, but as time went on, I got really, uh, really tired of being a part of it. And I, uh, I wanted to do something else and I tried a couple of different business ideas that never really got off the ground.

Kevin Dennis (2:22.029)

Yeah.

Kevin Dennis (2:32.748)

Yeah.

Brian Franklin (2:39.319)

And, uh, and this was something that I, I literally fell into, uh, because I had officiated a few weddings in the past and I had written some speeches with friends and family that knew that I had that skillset. And, uh, and then I started this thing and next thing you know, it it was real and I loved it. And it was something that, you know, for those people listening and not looking at video, I have gray hair.

Kevin Dennis (2:47.756)

Hmm.

Brian Franklin (3:5.683)

And at the point in my life, uh, you know, I'm in a, I'm in a point in my life where I was feeling very stuck. And, and even though I was making some money, it was just like, I hated it really. And, and so this was a way to escape that. And then as we got into it, it was amazing. you know, I'm writing about love all day. I'm talking to couples about the person they love more than anything in the world and family members about their best friends or sports.

Kevin Dennis (3:5.686)

Hehehehehe

Kevin Dennis (3:17.622)

Yeah, no.

Kevin Dennis (3:31.469)

Yeah.

Brian Franklin (3:34.689)

kids and or siblings and it was just, you know, it was rewarding every single day and you're dealing with nice people as opposed to politicians. There are some nice people, there are some nice politicians, but you know, they aren't universally so.

Kevin Dennis (3:43.967)

Hehehehehe

Kevin Dennis (3:50.198)

And I agree with you about political ads because they can either be really good or really like you're like, what the hell is this person thinking? So yeah, yeah.

Brian Franklin (3:56.149)

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's, and they're fun.

August Yocher (3:58.030)

That's just a crazy switch up too. Like, very different businesses.

Kevin Dennis (3:59.958)

Yeah, I know.

Brian Franklin (4:2.909)

They are, but the skillset of trying to boil down these big things down into bite-size increments for audiences that are barely paying attention, uh, it's, it's very similar. And a lot of the skills that I used to deploy when I was interviewing, let's say a new client and I was like, okay, well, tell me what, know, tell me what you're into. You're like, why are you doing this? Give me your understanding of the issues. And we go down and

Kevin Dennis (4:2.978)

Yeah.

Kevin Dennis (4:17.897)

Mm-hmm.

Kevin Dennis (4:28.440)

Mm-hmm.

Brian Franklin (4:31.743)

and dive deeper and deeper into their lives and their backgrounds. That's very similar to what I do with these clients today. It's just, I'm not deploying it in a partisan way. I'm deploying it so that everybody loves it. and yeah, but the skills are actually really similar. And I find myself kind of in this weird day, Joe is sometimes doing it.

Kevin Dennis (4:43.123)

Hehehehe.

Kevin Dennis (4:47.266)

Yeah.

August Yocher (4:56.610)

Now I get it. It's capturing attention, invoking emotion. I mean, it's for different things, but all the building blocks are there.

Kevin Dennis (4:56.792)

That's hilarious.

Brian Franklin (5:4.887)

Yeah. And if you can make a politician sound good for, you know, a minute or two, then you can make love sound great. It's good. Really? It's, it's not that. Yeah. But the magic is really in the interview. mean, that's really, I think where we, um, you can find a great writer anywhere, you know, and, and maybe we may get into AI or not, but, but writing, the writing piece of it is, is not.

Kevin Dennis (5:12.193)

I love that.

August Yocher (5:15.438)

That's a lot easier, yeah.

Kevin Dennis (5:25.890)

Yeah.

Brian Franklin (5:34.571)

the magic sauce. think the magic sauce is knowing the hook of a story and knowing where to find the joke in it and, the, or the humor at least in it and, feeling or having a sense as to when a story is going to warm somebody's heart and, and get them feeling emotional. And those, those are things that I think people do effectively in politics sometimes. And I think with this, that's where

Kevin Dennis (5:52.216)

Mmm.

Brian Franklin (6:3.989)

We really dive in because it's the it's all about the interview. If I don't have a great interview, it's a struggle.

Kevin Dennis (6:9.418)

Oh, wow. All right. Well, we have you here today to talk about what makes a great ceremony. So I think we have an expert. I feel very confident that you're the expert in this. But so to be silly, like what does make a great ceremony and what kind of separates a memorable one from the one that just kind of checks the boxes, you know? So what?

Brian Franklin (6:14.229)

Yeah.

Brian Franklin (6:29.899)

Well, I think the number one answer to this is personalization. The more specific the ceremony is to you and your relationship in your life, the more of a story that it tells, the more people will in the audience start to get interested in what you're saying. And not just that, the emotion of the whole event lifts when it doesn't happen that way.

Kevin Dennis (6:33.803)

I agree.

Brian Franklin (6:58.429)

It tends to be one of two things. Well, either you're getting married in a church or a synagogue where the, where the script is fairly well established over a few thousand years or, or whatever. Um, or it's because somebody got lazy and they went on chat GPT, or they went on, uh, Google and picked up a template and, it's the same language that everybody's heard in every movie and every wedding that you've ever gone to and that sort of thing. And so I think.

August Yocher (7:6.798)

you

Kevin Dennis (7:13.816)

Hmm

Brian Franklin (7:28.277)

That's the, you the, danger is that you fall into this generic land where, people just kind of, okay. And they're just, they're just waiting for cocktails at that point. They're just hoping not to burn themselves in the sun.

Kevin Dennis (7:41.648)

Yeah, and sometimes I feel like people forget the wedding is about the ceremony so they skip the wedding ceremony part of it and focus more on the reception than they do the ceremony and and sometimes it's I'll be at a ceremony and it's like it took longer for the processional and the recession will to happen than the actual ceremony itself it just oh really

Brian Franklin (7:49.835)

Yeah.

Brian Franklin (8:2.581)

That was my wedding. Yeah. No, that was, no, no. She'll be honest with you. that. My, my wedding was, uh, it was funny. My wife, uh, started to get a little, uh, anxiety as we got closer and closer and cause she just, I don't know. She doesn't like being conspicuous in that way, right? She has a little bit of uh stage fright. And so as we got up there,

August Yocher (8:4.942)

Thank

Kevin Dennis (8:13.890)

Mm-hmm.

August Yocher (8:14.380)

Hmm.

Brian Franklin (8:25.399)

Uh, she, she told our friend that was doing the ceremony, make it short. So he was like, in real time, he came from politics too. So he came, you he was editing out paragraphs in his head, you know, like right away, but, and we didn't even do our own vows. That's the irony of the whole thing. This was before we started the business, uh, some years before we started the business. But, uh but yeah, that's, that's part of it. And I think the other side of it, uh, that I think people forget to do is to have fun with it.

August Yocher (8:30.385)

Yeah

Kevin Dennis (8:37.154)

Yeah.

August Yocher (8:41.038)

Hmm.

Kevin Dennis (8:41.560)

No, that is really funny. Yeah.

Brian Franklin (8:55.179)

You know, this is, you know, this is your ceremony. It's yours. It's the, you know, hopefully the only time you'll do this. And, um, and so it should be enjoyable for, for everybody, including you. And, uh, I think people try and assert so much control over every, everything, and there's no surprises for them in it. And I try and when I'm writing a ceremony, I try to work it out. And most times that I'm successful.

August Yocher (8:55.726)

Okay.

Kevin Dennis (9:3.767)

Yeah.

Brian Franklin (9:25.109)

where they don't see the wedding, they'll see an outline, sorry, the ceremony, they'll see an outline, but they won't see the script. And we'll agree on the I do language rule, agree on the ring exchange, but everything else I'm working with their friend or family member that they had already entrusted to write it, to work out the narrative so that when they hear it for the first time, then they're feeling those emotions for the first time, that they're really uh laughing and they're really crying, hopefully.

Kevin Dennis (9:30.146)

Mm-hmm. Mm.

August Yocher (9:32.291)

Mm.

Brian Franklin (9:55.189)

a little bit of crying. And that way it's special for them. It's that moment for them.

August Yocher (10:2.292)

So is that how the process normally works? You typically meet with the officiant and the family members, other, and not the couple, so it's kind of more of a surprise to them the day of?

Brian Franklin (: 10:11

Well, so we get hired a number of different ways. Most of the time when I'm doing a ceremony, I'm working with the couple. Originally, I interviewed the couple. I might be doing their vows as well with them. So I'll interview the couple, but even if I'm not, I'm going to interview the couple and then I'll interview the officiant that knows them to get their, their perspective on the couple, their voice, get all the, you they may have some perspective on marriage. oh

Kevin Dennis (: 10:37

Hmm.

Brian Franklin (: 10:40

already married in a relationship. I'm doing one where it's the dad of the groom. So he's got a lot of perspective on the whole thing and they've known each other for, the couple's known each other for 17 years. So she's been around and so there's a lot of material there. But then I'll work directly, once that's done and I've done all the interviews and I've gotten a sense of the tone that the couple wants.

August Yocher (: 10:46

Hmm.

Kevin Dennis (: 10:54

Oh wow.

Brian Franklin (11:8.207)

and how much humor or not they want or if there's passages or sand ceremonies or tequila unity shots. uh Then I'll work with the officiant directly and then we'll be workshopping it so that they're comfortable and they get up on stage with the best uh that they could come up with.

Kevin Dennis (: 11:15

Mm-hmm

Kevin Dennis (: 11:29

I love it. So what are some of the common mistakes you think people make when writing out or planning for the ceremony?

Brian Franklin (: 11:37

Well, they make it too long. I mean, we talk about it being too short, but I think the other side of it is that it becomes too long and, um, too many things inserted, too many readings, too many people recognize, you know, it just, there's a certain point where the energy level, which is so huge as they come in. And then, you know, of course it naturally has to take, you people take a breath and you started out, uh, uh but.

Kevin Dennis (: 11:39

Mmm.

August Yocher (: 11:39

Hmm.

Brian Franklin (12:8.011)

But you want it to, you want it to build over time. You want this thing to get more and more fun as it goes along. And it doesn't have to be raucous, but I think it, it, it definitely dies when there's too much going on and people go on too long. And, and so I think that's one mistake. think another mistake besides the specificity piece of it is, and this goes for all of the

Kevin Dennis (: 12:10

Mm-hmm.

August Yocher (: 12:25

Yeah.

Brian Franklin (: 12:35

speaking parts, whether it's the speeches or the vows is that they will put something in there that the couple really didn't want in there. And, and that, you know, they're making a joke or they get too edgy or too, you know, and meanwhile, grandma's sitting right there and now the bride's uncomfortable, right? Or the groom is who knows. And so

Kevin Dennis (: 12:49

Mmm.

Kevin Dennis (: 12:56

Mm-hmm.

Brian Franklin (13:0.675)

Uh, you know, I think not having a sense and a connection as to what the couple really wants and what their thresholds are for, for success. And, then finally, I think the presentation aspect of it, I think a lot of people just don't practice it. So they get up there and they've got their face in the page and there's no eye contact. There's no stagecraft. Uh, they don't know to get out of the way of the photo for the kiss.

Kevin Dennis (: 13:23

Mm-hmm.

Kevin Dennis (: 13:26

Mmm.

Brian Franklin (: 13:27

There's things, little things there's mic placement is bad. so knowing in the back can hear them. Right. So there's things like that, that we talk about with every one of our clients. Some of what, you know, maybe I'm not there. I can't control it, but I definitely, they didn't need to hear it. Yeah. And if they don't hear it, they're not going to know to watch out for it. And that's, I think one of the, when you use a friend or family members, I remember, I think it's more special because it's personal, but I think you run the dangers of all of the.

Kevin Dennis (: 13:32

Yeah.

Kevin Dennis (: 13:42

Mm-hmm.

Brian Franklin (: 13:56

lack of professional understanding pieces that you can run into.

Kevin Dennis (14:1.868)

Yeah. And it's funny you say you were mentioning all the other things, but another thing they forget is to tell the guests to sit down once the bride walks down the aisle. And so I've seen so many times at a wedding where the, you know, the guests stand for the entire ceremony because whoever was doing it was so nervous. So anytime I'm working with a brand new officiant, I, I try to tell them, Hey, make sure you tell them to sit down, write it down on here because you're going to forget. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because it's

Brian Franklin (14:8.821)

Right. Yes.

Brian Franklin (: 14:16

Yeah.

Brian Franklin (: 14:25

It's in every script I have, please stand up, please sit down, right? It's a, you know, and, and get away at, get out of the shot, hold, you know, hold the mic to them when, when they're giving their vows, if they have personalized vows and you, and you're the one with the mic and they haven't been miked up, then put the mic in their face because if not, nobody's going to hear them. Right. So, uh, that, that sort of thing.

Kevin Dennis (: 14:34

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Kevin Dennis (: 14:47

Yeah.

August Yocher (: 14:47

Yeah.

But I agree with that, like writing down the actions as well as what you'll be saying, because I have a similar story, Kevin, where I was coordinating an event and the officiant for some reason was just very nervous about asking people to sit down. And I literally reminded him right before he walked down and we had talked about it a couple times, but he gets up there.

He forgets. He completely spaces. And I felt so bad, but I went to the back, you know, trying to get everyone to sit. And after the ceremony, he came up to me and he said, I forgot. I totally forgot. I'm so sorry. So I think writing it down, yeah, that too.

Brian Franklin (: 15:27

Yeah. Please put your cell phones away. Right. Please put your cell phones away. Right. And there's an action. I saw a wedding recently where they had a 60 seconds for everybody to take a picture of that, like, or 30 seconds to get out your phone, do it now. Right. Take your picture and then we're going to get put them away. Right. And yeah.

Kevin Dennis (: 15:31

Oh yeah. Yeah.

August Yocher (: 15:43

Oh yeah.

Kevin Dennis (: 15:47

Can I tell you I've seen that I've been seeing that more and more and it's genius because then you get you know it's like and the efficient would start with like hey there we're gonna have a little photo op for you guys so please when the bride walks down the aisle and everything's happening please keep your phones out of the way and then once it's time for your photo op we're gonna let you bring them out but then you're gonna have to put them right back away for us and it was I was like it was so genius because then you don't have you know

Brian Franklin (16:3.851)

Yeah.

Kevin Dennis (: 16:14

The bride walking down the aisle with what we see anytime, you know, like a concert nowadays or anything that's going on, everyone, you just see the cell phones now and nowadays.

Brian Franklin (: 16:22

Yeah, you have to, and I think it helps to tell them why. Okay. We want you to put your cell phones away because not just because we've hired a photographer, but because the photographer is going to take some crowd shots and we want to see your faces, right? We don't want to see a bunch. We don't want you to block the faces of other people behind you. So there's some reasons to do this that people just don't understand. And, and I, I feel like as I get deeper into this, I realized that they're

Kevin Dennis (: 16:26

Yeah. Yeah.

Kevin Dennis (: 16:35

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Brian Franklin (: 16:50

There needs to be more communication between the couple and their own wedding party speakers. When we get, you know, when it comes to speeches to explain why you need to stay within three to four minutes, it's because the food's going to get cold. If you don't, right. It's cause we're going to run out of time for dancing. It's cause you're going to bore the audience, you know, and what's going to happen if you do go too long. So you can, you know, give the, the DJ or the wedding planner, the permission to play them off Oscar style with some, some nice classical music.

Kevin Dennis (17:2.370)

Mm hmm. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Kevin Dennis (: 17:17

Yeah, yeah,

Brian Franklin (: 17:20

Right? So there's, there's reasons why these things are said are structured the way they're structured, but they're not always communicated to the people that need it. And I was just on the phone a few minutes ago with a bride who had not yet her weddings in three or four weeks in her, and she had not yet talked to her fiance about the length of the vows that they were writing. And she's like, Oh, is that something I should talk to him about? Yeah, absolutely. Because what if this is like 30 seconds and yours is two minutes? It's going to look bad.

August Yocher (: 17:41

Oh wow.

Kevin Dennis (: 17:50

Yeah.

Brian Franklin (: 17:50

Or conversely, what if yours is two minutes and he goes on for six? It's going to, it's going to be boring.

Kevin Dennis (: 17:54

Yeah, now you look bad. Yeah. Yeah.

August Yocher (: 17:55

See, I never would have thought of that. I never would have thought of that. It just, to me, was like, oh, it's like a surprise the day of. I wouldn't think to set a timeframe on it.

Brian Franklin (18:5.316)

That's why you have to involve professionals sometimes. They know what goes wrong. We're strategists at some level.

Kevin Dennis (: 18:16

It's funny, I don't think the groom, had a groom once, the bride did her, uh you know, her personal vows and they were absolutely like, I was in tears listening to her vows. And then it was the groom's turn and he's like, and the first thing that came out of his mouth was, well, I'm screwed because you were so, you know, and he just, and it was just like, I think he was just caught off guard by the, like she did such a good job. I do not have that, you know, I'm not prepared in that way. So was, was.

Brian Franklin (: 18:24

Yeah.

Brian Franklin (: 18:32

Yeah.

Brian Franklin (: 18:43

So many weddings I've been to personally where I've seen an imbalance in some level, right? Between the length of it or the tone. It's one of the things that I really enjoy about doing the vows for both of them because I can then have them play off of each other. There's a tone that's theirs, but it's still complimentary.

Kevin Dennis (: 18:46

Mm-hmm.

Kevin Dennis (19:1.708)

Mm-hmm.

Brian Franklin (: 19:11

And the length is going to be right. And so you get a sense of how they're going to work. And especially when they're in, when you know what the order is going to be, you can, there's, there's ways to, to carry jokes over that sounds spontaneous. And, and so, uh, I think it's just worth communicating, but I've been to so many weddings similarly where people are like, did this person put any thought into this at all? I mean, I've had to save the date for seven months. This person, the

It seems like they just wrote it 10 minutes ago and then they might have.

Kevin Dennis (: 19:42

Yeah. Well, and that I've heard that too at a ceremony and even, you know, you're talking about speeches where they go, oh, I wrote this this morning. I'm like, well, what the hell have you been doing this whole, you know, like, how do you really in the stress of getting of the the wedding day, do you think it's a good idea to write your wedding vows or your wedding, you know, as the best man made of honor, write your speech that day. It's like it's.

Brian Franklin (: 19:55

Yeah.

Brian Franklin (20:8.151)

And that's why it's my, one of my missions when I'm talking to anybody is to get the, get this to be considered early in the process, because not, of course we want people to budget for it, but this is something that you can do early, like really early, long before you even pick the venue. You can have, you can do this part of the wedding and you can sit with it for a long time. can make edits and refine it and you can practice it and make it really perfect long before.

Kevin Dennis (: 20:23

Mm-hmm.

Brian Franklin (: 20:38

And you're fighting over tablecloth covers or who's invited or whether or not we're getting the premium liquor versus the medium premium or whatever it is. And so this is, and it's fun. It's a fun thing. And it reminds you why you love this person. And, and, and so if I can move this, the process from the backend to the front end, everybody's going to be happier and the wedding's going to improve for sure.

Kevin Dennis (: 20:53

Yeah.

Kevin Dennis (21:4.661)

No, I agree. So we were talking, we were talking about personal vows. Like, is there a way to make it where it's not too personal? Like, is there a fine balance line? Or is there a way to make it like, like you were talking about humor? Like, what's the balance in that? Or is it different for every couple?

Brian Franklin (: 21:22

So yeah, it's different for every couple. think from a humor standpoint, it's never all humor or all serious. would put, you know, if it's a scale on a one to 10, I would say it's always going to be between a three and a seven uh or a four and a six somewhere in there. You know, it's, it's, I've had a couple of clients that they just want it to be a laugh a minute. And that was a great time.

Kevin Dennis (: 21:26

Okay.

Kevin Dennis (: 21:32

Mm-hmm.

Kevin Dennis (: 21:38

Mm-hmm.

Kevin Dennis (: 21:49

Mm-hmm.

Brian Franklin (: 21:51

It was two minutes of talking. I guess it was about two laughs. It was pretty easy. but, uh, I should lose that phrase really in this business. just realized, anyway, uh, I've had clients that want it disproportionately funny. Uh, and I've had ones that lean towards very, very serious, but it always needs to be some level of lightness in it. Your, your relationships, if you're in a good relationship,

Kevin Dennis (: 21:54

Hahaha!

August Yocher (: 21:54

you

Kevin Dennis (22:0.166)

I know, that was kind of funny. I was like, wow, I...

Brian Franklin (: 22:20

good enough to get married, you're laughing with that person. You're having fun with that person. There's so many aspects to your daily interactions that are humorous, even lightly so. And that lightness provides some counterbalance to the heavy sentimentality of what you're going to be saying and offsets whatever cringey cheesiness there might be on that end. so, so humor,

Kevin Dennis (: 22:24

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Brian Franklin (: 22:48

every time just it's a question of degrees and the appropriateness of that humor. think the rule should be, you know, don't say something that's going to make people uncomfortable, right? And, and particularly your, your, your partner, but really let's not make this a topic in the wedding. And, and that's, that's where I think wedding speeches in particular, those, that's where it goes off the rails. Cause people think it's their open comedy night and they

Kevin Dennis (23:1.858)

Yeah.

Kevin Dennis (23:9.535)

Yeah!

Brian Franklin (: 23:17

you know, and they want to be edgy and fun, but they don't remember that, that the couple have people in the wedding uh audience that are people they work with, people that are family people that might be very conservative. And while they don't want to play entirely to those sensibilities, they also don't want it to be a thing. And so, uh so I think that's, again, we're having someone like me who's worked in politics where you, you,

Kevin Dennis (: 23:32

Mm-hmm.

Brian Franklin (: 23:45

take a step back and go, okay, is this something that's going to be a problem in any way? And if, if I'm, if I'm not sure, let's at least have the conversation and check off on, are you sure you want to say this, this way? Are you sure it's not going to upset your sister or whatever, you know, that, that this is a, this is playful teasing and will be perceived as such. Right. And, uh, but most of the time I'm going to err on the side of not doing something that I'm even questioning.

Kevin Dennis (: 23:49

Mm-hmm.

August Yocher (24:1.858)

Mm-hmm.

Kevin Dennis (: 24:14

Yeah, that's I mean, it's funny is you're saying that that's everything I've seen it go wrong is where they bring up like in the speeches is they're bringing up religion. They're bringing up ex girlfriends or ex boyfriends. And yeah.

Brian Franklin (: 24:24

Yeah.

August Yocher (: 24:27

Yeah, no.

Brian Franklin (: 24:27

embarrassing child embarrassing childhood stories, pregnancies. I, you know, I have a family member who once talked about how, like, who knew this could come out of Tinder and nobody else knew that they were on Tinder. And that became it. And the bride didn't talk to her for a long time. There. I've heard much worse than this. I talked to a luxury wedding planner who's who's

Kevin Dennis (: 24:31

Yeah!

Kevin Dennis (: 24:44

Hmmmm oh

August Yocher (: 24:44

Oh no.

Brian Franklin (: 24:56

who witnessed personally a father talking about how he brought his son to a brothel in South America. uh uh, uh, Brian did not know. And nor did they know that they were in the same room with the same prostitute. And, uh, and it destroyed the wedding, like wedding over crying. Obviously this is an extreme story, but I think, but, but, but the, the point is, is that people think that

Kevin Dennis (25:4.108)

Oh my God.

August Yocher (25:5.813)

and the bride didn't know.

August Yocher (: 25:16

Oh no.

Kevin Dennis (: 25:20

Well yeah.

Brian Franklin (: 25:26

that their wedding party speakers will exhibit good judgment every time. And I think if you sat back and you thought about it for a second, you know that if I asked you who's going to be the problem, you know who the problem is going to be or could be. And that's an opportunity to maybe intervene a little bit and say, let's we we've hired people to work with you and make sure that those things get edited out. I mean, my own clients that have come straight to me, I've had to say like,

August Yocher (: 25:38

Yeah.

Kevin Dennis (: 25:39

Mm-hmm.

Brian Franklin (: 25:56

Let's not talk about how good she is in bed. Like, yeah, let's just not do that. I'm happy for you, but yeah.

August Yocher (: 25:57

Yeah.

Kevin Dennis (: 25:59

Yeah, yeah. Not appropriate.

August Yocher (26:2.754)

Well now those kinds of moments, those kind of moments go viral on the internet. Like I think I've seen, I saw a video recently where this groom was just really talking down to a bride during their personal vows and she was just laughing it off and it was very uncomfortable. I do think it's really cool how the background in politics kind of gives you that neutral ground when being able to.

Brian Franklin (: 26:28

Isn't it amazing? Like politics has made me more moral and full of values. Like it's oddly counterintuitive, but it's it works and it's true. I, yeah, now I think you have to, you hear it with the ear of the audience, right? And, and in some ways I'm the audience's advocate here. I'm trying to do, I know that there are people like me out there that have short attention spans. I know that there are people like me.

Kevin Dennis (: 26:32

NNNN

August Yocher (: 26:33

Yeah, you've seen the other side of things.

Brian Franklin (: 26:58

up there that want to do comedy. but, and I also know that when you're sitting in an audience and someone's not doing well up there, it gets more awkward and awkward and awkward. And you have to watch out for that. And people that, you know, if, if it's not funny, it better be packaged in a way that, that you can move to the next line really quickly and not just wait for that big laugh that's never going to come. And now the room dies, you know, so it's a, it's fun.

Kevin Dennis (: 27:10

Yeah.

Kevin Dennis (: 27:23

Yeah.

August Yocher (: 27:25

Yeah. Well, can you speak a little bit more on the coaching side of things? Just, know, how people should stand, how they should present themselves, maybe how to overcome any nerves if this is something they're not used to.

Brian Franklin (: 27:31

Sure.

Brian Franklin (: 27:40

most everybody has some level of public speaking anxiety. I'm someone that if I don't rehearse what I'm saying, if I'm speaking extemporaneously, like I just did a second ago, I will stammer, I will stutter. I've got hit too many times in the head with in football or something, party too hard in college, whatever it was, but I make those kinds of errors. say, have

verbal things that I have to edit out the you knows, the arms, the rights, the dudes, you know, all of it. And I'm just not that person that can get up every time and speak well. So I have to practice. And if I practice that stuff goes away, it dissolves away. So number one thing is practice because there's going to be a flow that comes when you, when you read it for the 15th time, that won't be there the first time there are

Kevin Dennis (: 28:20

Hmm.

Brian Franklin (: 28:35

Journalists that can read copy for the first time and it sounds like they've been reading it forever. But yeah

Kevin Dennis (: 28:39

Isn't that amazing? always I don't know how they do it. It just blows my mind. But anyway, yeah.

Brian Franklin (: 28:42

Yeah, they're just really, really sharp at that particular muscle. They're athletes in that sense, but for the rest of us, when you read something for the first time, you're reading it word by word and there's a choppy, dancey quality that I hear now, like right away. And it's not the same, but even three, four times into it, when you've worked with somebody and

and they're going through it, you can sense the difference. But most of my coaching doesn't involve that, because that's something you can do on your own. Most of my coaching involves the timing of the words and the way that you're presenting them from a dynamic standpoint and from a tone standpoint. So when you get to a soft part and a sensitive part in the thing, know,

Kevin Dennis (: 29:18

Mm-hmm.

Brian Franklin (: 29:38

You can do it at my voice is doing right now. You can just, you don't have to necessarily lower your volume, but you soften the edges of what, of how you present the words. It's a little slower. It's a little bit more breathy, but not necessarily lower in volume. But when you're talking, when you're telling a joke and you tell it like you're at a bar, right? You know, when you're saying something funny or happy or excited,

Kevin Dennis (: 29:45

Mm-hmm.

Kevin Dennis (: 29:53

Mm-hmm.

Kevin Dennis (30:0.800)

Yeah, exactly.

August Yocher (30:1.438)

Yeah

Brian Franklin (30:8.107)

then you have to act excited. And people tend to just, if they're too busy reading the words again, you know, and they're not thinking about this aspect of it, then it comes out flat and you need it to be dynamically different, both in tone and volume and, and in content. And all of those things have to work together. And, uh, that plus perhaps some, some movement, you know, a little bit of movement.

Kevin Dennis (: 30:10

Mm-hmm.

Brian Franklin (: 30:38

Uh, but not taking your mic away from the, from your face. And so that it doesn't sound like you're out here also. And I had that, I saw somebody present something the other day where they were talking and talking and talking and all of a they were like, those, those are typically the things that we work on. Sometimes there will be a, a uh line where there's a joke or a word where I just want them to

Kevin Dennis (: 30:45

No.

Brian Franklin (31:4.535)

pause right after it for the, for comedic effect or, or before it and slow it down and then hit them with it. And so there's things like that, that we'll work on by the time we get done though, they're, I'm not saying they're professional speakers now, but they, sometimes they're great because, they went from terrible to great because they just needed to unlock a little bit of knowledge. And then it, and then they just took right to it and it, and

and got it and went with it and ran.

Kevin Dennis (: 31:36

Is it like more thinking on the lines of confidence? Like it's a car you're building up their confidence to deliver the speech. Yeah.

Brian Franklin (: 31:42

Of course. Yeah. Yeah. And you know, and some, you don't always know when it's good, but, sometimes you do. And, when you, when you're feeling it and you know that this is, I like the way this is written, this represents me. And now I know how to deliver it. And I'm feeling like, and hear myself do it. And I can see you start seeing them. So you start seeing yourself succeeding up there instead of being terrified and being embarrassed.

Kevin Dennis (: 31:47

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Kevin Dennis (32:2.315)

Mm-hmm.

Kevin Dennis (: 32:11

Yeah, when I, I, go ahead, August.

August Yocher (: 32:13

Yeah, and-

was going to say, I feel like the delivery and the coaching is almost... I feel just as important as the content of the speech because if you can't deliver it properly, then it's not going to land the same way.

Brian Franklin (: 32:24

It's yes.

Brian Franklin (: 32:28

And August, was such a, it was such an afterthought when I first started doing this, when I, thought it was all about the writing and I threw in the delivery coaching almost as a value add. And, and, and then I wound up doing more of it than I ever thought I would. And it became a really important thing. And I got client feedback and, and you're absolutely right. It's now a major part of what we're.

pushing as part of this package because you need both things to really feel good about.

Kevin Dennis (33:2.456)

No. All right. So have you noticed any shift in how couples approach ceremonies in the recent years? And then are there like people moving away from like certain traditions or bringing in new traditions?

Brian Franklin (: 33:14

I think there's a, and I've only been in the industry for four years now. So I don't, I haven't seen it all. I mean, I can only speak to what I've seen outside, you know, as as a guest in other weddings, but I do know that there's been, talked about personalization. think there's that's become a major part of it. But I think the other part of it is that there, the traditions are going out the window, right? People sometimes say, Hey, you know, what's the order of the speakers? What does that have to be? It doesn't have to be anything.

Kevin Dennis (: 33:24

Mm-hmm.

Kevin Dennis (: 33:38

Mm-hmm.

Brian Franklin (: 33:45

I would put the, here's how I would do the order. Take the best speaker, put them last. Right. Put your worst speaker, maybe second or first or second. Right. Um, cause they'll be terrified by going first, but, but I, uh, I think traditions are going out the window in the sense that you look, if you want to cut the cake, cut the cake. That's great. Right. If you want to do the things the way that they have been done before. And I appreciate the importance of that for a lot of people.

Kevin Dennis (: 33:49

Mm-hmm.

Brian Franklin (: 34:15

great. But if you don't, you shouldn't feel shamed by it. And you should you should feel empowered by it. And I think more and more couples are doing that. And I see I see that all the time. uh Outside, what was the second part of your question there? I uh

Kevin Dennis (: 34:20

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Kevin Dennis (: 34:31

Oh, like how are they moving away from certain traditions or embracing new? Yeah.

Brian Franklin (: 34:35

Embracing ones. Yeah. You know, I, I right out of the gate when I first started the business, my, one of my first clients, they wanted to do a tequila unity shot. And, and I said, I said, well, uh, that we can, we can certainly do that. I found one online that was scripted and I customized it. But then I was like, I thought this would be a lot more fun with fireball, right? I could make, I could, I could make a whole thing at fireball and the burning.

August Yocher (35:1.166)

haha

Kevin Dennis (35:1.303)

Mm-hmm.

Brian Franklin (35:5.547)

burning desire and heart, you know, the, the, whole thing and cinnamon is kind of good for the kiss, you know, and you're right. And it was just more, it just was funnier to me. Right. So I, you know, so I wrote up a fireball unity ceremony that, uh, that clients have loved. And, and I don't tend to reuse a lot of things. I like to try and keep them all, uh, unique, but there are certain lines and certain things that you just, that are just too good not to, not to reuse. that

Kevin Dennis (35:5.688)

You

August Yocher (: 35:11

More content there, yeah.

Kevin Dennis (: 35:11

Mm-hmm.

Brian Franklin (: 35:33

As silly as that is, people love it. I set it up as like this ancient ceremony.

Kevin Dennis (: 35:36

Yeah.

August Yocher (: 35:42

Yeah, I think it is the uniqueness. makes it feel like that ceremony is theirs, you know, and it's definitely a fun piece that will be talked about by the guests and just for them for a long time to come.

Kevin Dennis (: 35:42

That's...

Brian Franklin (: 35:44

Yeah.

Correct.

Brian Franklin (: 35:53

Yeah. And to your point about the social media, like it might wind up on social media and you don't want to, you don't want to see it recycled too much. But so I customize things where I can. The other thing that I've seen more and more of is the use of more contemporary quotes for, for reading. like song lyrics and, um, Dr. Seuss. Okay. I haven't seen that. Yeah.

Kevin Dennis (: 36:11

Hmm.

Kevin Dennis (: 36:16

Dr. Seuss is what I've been hearing, believe it or not. Yes, yeah, yeah.

Brian Franklin (: 36:22

But I do have a client right now that's really into Star Wars, but I don't know when this is airing, but by the time it's airing, think this wedding will have happened. I am, he's really into Star Wars, like since he was a kid. And so I quote uh a great ancient philosopher, uh which it turns out to be a Yoda quote, you know?

Kevin Dennis (: 36:28

Mm-hmm.

Kevin Dennis (: 36:32

Yeah

Kevin Dennis (: 36:47

Yeah, that's great.

Brian Franklin (: 36:48

So, but I don't call out Yoda. just mentioned an ancient philosopher and, you know, it's it. Yeah, exactly.

August Yocher (: 36:48

Yeah

Kevin Dennis (: 36:51

Yeah.

And then it's a really recognizable. Well, you mentioned and you mentioned Star Wars. had like people are I customizing now even with like the music. And one of the most memorable weddings I ever did is we played the Imperial March and the groomsmen all walked in with their sunglasses on. And but it was just because it was all soft, pretty music. And then all of a sudden it was done.

August Yocher (: 36:58

That's really cute.

Brian Franklin (: 37:12

I love it.

Kevin Dennis (: 37:18

to do you know it was like it just the guests were like what's going on and they all marched in and I just you know and I think making it personal even with music and all that kind of stuff

Brian Franklin (: 37:19

Yes.

Brian Franklin (: 37:25

I love it.

Brian Franklin (: 37:28

And the other, the other thing that you're seeing a lot more of now is coordination between the vendors. think there's a lot more communication between vendors. And I'll give you an example. If I knew that you were doing that and that, and it w and it wasn't already communicated to me that star Wars was a big thing for them. We could, we can make sure that there's something in the speech.

that leads into what you're doing. you might have cues for me and I might have cues for you, but there, but there's information that could be shared now that might inform the design or the production of the wedding. And I personally get so much information upfront. And another reason, by the way, to do this early is cause I'm going to get stuff that a lot of people won't. And at a time where you might inform how you put this thing together in order.

Kevin Dennis (: 38:16

Mm-hmm.

Brian Franklin (: 38:22

or the fun things that you insert into it. And, but I've seen a lot more coordination than ever between particularly between, you know, DJs and the wedding designers and, and, um, and the efficiency of it and that sort of thing. So I think there's a lot that we still can do and I'm floored by the level of creativity and design in this industry. It's truly.

truly amazing some of the stuff you see.

Kevin Dennis (: 38:52

We are very creative in what we do. So I will pat our own back as an industry. We really, I mean, it's just sometimes we pull off some of the most amazing things and it's just like, wow, you we really created a memory or a moment for, you know, a family or a couple or whatever it is.

Brian Franklin (: 38:56

Yeah.

Brian Franklin (39:9.143)

Yeah, and that's why I really enjoyed being a part of it because if you think about it, in a four hour wedding, we're 17%, 18 % of the time that it is the wedding are those speaking parts. And so let's make those things just as great as the optics and just as great as the music.

Kevin Dennis (: 39:19

Mm-hmm.

Kevin Dennis (: 39:27

Yeah, I agree. All right. So you mentioned Google, are a little bit or AI chat, GPT, you know, that kind of stuff. And as someone that's been going to a lot of weddings, I've heard the same speech, you know, the put your hand over here, you know, the last time you'll have the upper hand. I mean, I've heard all this stuff over and over again. How are? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. But it's like, how do they come to you with?

Brian Franklin (: 39:49

For those that don't know me, yeah. Don't ever say that, yeah.

Kevin Dennis (: 39:57

a bunch of Google AI stuff and then you scratch and we start over? uh How is it affected you, I guess?

Brian Franklin (40:3.393)

Sometimes, sometimes you'll, yeah. Well, the AI stuff, sometimes I haven't seen much of it, but I will get people's initial drafts that will often just use a source material, but not, not as the basis or structure of what we're doing. But, uh, and it's useful. It's very helpful to have that stuff, but AI is, uh, there's no, there's no comparison right now.

Kevin Dennis (: 40:20

Mm-hmm.

Brian Franklin (: 40:33

It may be someday, but like I said, a lot of the work is in the interview, but even in the writing aspect of it, you can tell when someone, something is AI, an experienced reader or listener can hear it, uh, or see it or hear it. And AI is not going to tell you what not to say. That's one part of it. It's not really good jokes or timing. Um, it's not particularly great at emotion and flow.

Kevin Dennis (: 40:35

Yeah.

Kevin Dennis (: 40:57

Yeah.

Brian Franklin (41:2.985)

It can mimic it, but I think again, when you're writing something, you're also thinking about like, is grandma going to like this? Is this going to be okay? Or is she going to, or is the sister, the bride going to enjoy this joke? Or is this kind of a, or is my client trying to do a backend compliment here? And you know, that something like that, you're, you're always on guard for those kinds of things. And I don't know that AI could see that yet.

Kevin Dennis (: 41:12

Yeah.

August Yocher (: 41:24

Hmm.

Kevin Dennis (: 41:33

No.

Brian Franklin (: 41:33

I believe someday it might, but then at that point we've got bigger problems because we're probably like at war with robots and you know, but, but I think this is such a human moment. And, and while technology helps me because like I record things and I transcribe them in one. I think you need a human on, on the other side of it, helping you edit it and helping you deliver it. And that's, that's.

August Yocher (: 41:37

Yeah!

Kevin Dennis (: 41:45

Mm-hmm.

Brian Franklin (42:3.011)

how we keep this thing beautiful and moving and keep people laughing and crying and feeling confident because a lot of it is just psychology.

Kevin Dennis (: 42:14

Yeah, there's nothing more frustrating than hearing the same thing over and over again because yeah.

Brian Franklin (: 42:19

Oh yeah, and I've heard stories where someone's given the same speech twice at a wedding. Like they literally got up and one person after another and said the exact same speech that they found on the internet.

Kevin Dennis (: 42:22

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Kevin Dennis (: 42:30

Yeah.

August Yocher (: 42:31

That's terrible! Oh my gosh. Well...

Brian Franklin (: 42:32

It is terrible. You would think that the second person would have not done that, but they were just path committed. They had nothing. They couldn't get up there and say nothing. So they just went with it. It was incredible.

Kevin Dennis (: 42:36

Yeah.

August Yocher (: 42:42

Dang, I ended up giving a speech at my friend's wedding this last summer and it was the first time I had done it. And, you know, I thought, you know, being in the industry, there would be some things I could avoid and whatnot. But I remember going to TikTok and trying to find some kind of speech inspiration and it's exactly what you guys are saying. And like, it's the same jokes over and over again, the ones I've been hearing for years. And I'm like, I thought I would find some kind of originality and...

Kevin Dennis (43:3.895)

Mm-hmm.

August Yocher (: 43:11

Honestly, when I got down to it, just sitting down and thinking about the couple is what really helped me write it and staying away from anything on the internet.

Brian Franklin (: 43:18

Yeah, it's a...

Brian Franklin (: 43:22

Yeah. It's, it doesn't even have to be the same jokes. It's like you hear the same heartfelt sentiment, you know, it's, it's, it's like someone saying, love you to the moon and stars. Right. And I, I, I get it, but, but we've heard it. Right. Tell me, tell me what it is you love about that person. Like really tell me what they do that makes you love them and what, you know, why you love them. And that's, and that's, that's where the fun is.

Kevin Dennis (: 43:28

Mm-hmm.

August Yocher (: 43:28

Mm-hmm.

Kevin Dennis (: 43:33

Yeah.

Kevin Dennis (: 43:41

Mm-hmm.

August Yocher (: 43:41

Mm-hmm.

Kevin Dennis (: 43:51

I agree. All right. Do we miss anything? I think we covered a good chunk here, sir.

Brian Franklin (: 43:57

Oh, I think we've covered a lot of ground. Yeah, absolutely.

Kevin Dennis (44:0.266)

Yeah, I think we did it. how will uh our audience get in touch with you to help them with their ceremonies?

Brian Franklin (44:7.863)

Well, I believe you'll put it in the links of the episode, but in the show notes, but also if you go to vows and speeches.com that's V O W S A N D S P E E C H E S.com or go to Instagram vows and speeches. It's the same. Uh, you're going to get to me and my email phone number, send us a notebook free consultation. We're happy to talk to you about what you're looking for.

Kevin Dennis (: 44:11

We will have it in the show notes.

Kevin Dennis (: 44:36

Well, I'm definitely I have three two daughters and a son and I'm gonna be reaching out to you to help me with speeches Because after because I'm like I'm always thinking I'm gonna be funny. Yeah, no, but I'm just like I'm gonna After you saying that it's just like I want to be funny, but I also want to be heartfelt But I also don't want sound like an idiot

Brian Franklin (: 44:41

I can't wait. That'll be a lot of Yeah, you got it. Okay. You get the industry discount.

August Yocher (: 44:41

You

Brian Franklin (: 44:53

You want it. You these are, it's not, and you want this to be a great moment. And I think even the people that make mistakes, they didn't intend to make mistakes. They wanted it to be good. They just didn't know. They just thought they, overestimated their ability to do it. So thank you.

Kevin Dennis (45:0.440)

Mm-hmm.

Kevin Dennis (45:5.750)

Yeah.

Kevin Dennis (: 45:10

Yeah. All right, sir. Well, we thank you for your time. We thank you for your expertise. It was absolutely amazing. And you gave our audience a lot to think about, especially when it comes to the ceremony, because I think it is one of the things that they overlook in the wedding planning process. So I'm glad you're out there to help them. yep. Yep. Thank you, sir.

Brian Franklin (: 45:29

Great to be here. Thanks to both of you for having me.

August Yocher (: 45:33

Thank you, Brian.